Wednesday, September 16, 2009

How to survive a party where you don’t know anyone


So you just started dating someone and one of their friends is throwing a party. Or a friend from work is throwing a party and you sort of don’t want to go. Plus you only consider them a friend for 40 hours a week but you decide to anyway (after you called all your real friends and they all have something else going on). Or you just ended up somewhere not really sure how or why you are there but by judging the crowd you shouldn’t be there. You don’t know anyone at these parties and for some reason you subjected yourself to social torture for 4-5 hours on a precious weekend evening. Follow this guide to get through this event and many more to come.

Step 1: Find your friend/acquaintance – By finding the person that you know (kind of) you now show some degree of validity to the bald guy eyeing you in the corner of the deck, the drunken girl talking crap to everyone she sees and the rottweiler. By showing all of the freaks that you belong here the awkward social alarm has been defused and everything will be normal…maybe. However, expect the bald guy, crap-talking drunk girl and the rottweiler to all sniff your crotch at some point during the evening.

Step 2: Bring Beer – If you bring a 30 pack to this event and start handing them out to random people in the crowd as you walk in you have made instant friends. Instant friends are great…unless they are annoying. You will find out exactly during the exchange if this person is going to haunt you the rest of the night. Do not put a beer in the hand of someone hanging by themselves. The other people at the party know this person and now you will too. You will find out about their eczema, their past love life and their credit score. Four to five hours can seem like and eternity when you have someone like this hanging around.

Step 3: Find the bathroom –
You can possibly get away from everyone for 15-30 minutes in a place that has one bathroom. A place that has more then one is gold. You may last up to an hour in the bathroom especially if it’s on a different floor then the party. This is where you will do most of your crying.

Step 4: Always keep your eye on the door – If you can see the door, then you are at any point ready to go. If things don’t work out with the bald guy, drunken girl or rottweiler and if the instant friend is trying to stick his/her retainer in your mouth then you can just leave. But do not leave anything behind!!! And if you, never and I mean never go back and get it. I don’t care if it’s your husband and wife, once you commit to leave and you go back inside you will never get out of there alive.

36 comments:

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幸福不是一切,人還有責任。 ..................................................

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與人相處不妨多用眼睛說話,多用嘴巴思考,....................................................................

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said...

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朋友是一面鏡子......................................................................

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如果你批評他人。你就沒有時間付出愛......................................................................

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