Please have the following notes ready:
Tissues (could be for tears of joy or sadness).
An escape plan – if it gets messy, get out of there. A friend to call you in about an hour to make sure you’re okay – also works as an escape plan.
A good excuse – usually it’s human nature to know why your being rejected
Step 1 – Be classy – Everyone knows that an honorable and successful break-up is face-to-face. Take the other one out to dinner but not somewhere expensive (might get the wrong idea), or cheap (like McDonalds), but somewhere like Sizzler or Hometown Buffet should do the trick. Also, it’s best to be in public so nothing bad happens.
Step 2 – Do not say “It’s not you it’s me” – We all know that line, and we all know that it is the other person. Would you break up with someone because you annoy yourself? Heck no, they are the ones that are annoying, cramping your style and/or your street cred. Just break the news nicely so you don’t get water splashed in your face.
Step 3 - Do not do any type of breaking up electronically – This goes back to the first step. Do not break up over e-mails, text messages or IM’s. It’s highly doubtful that the other person will take “We’re over, lol” or “BRB never” as anything funny or positive. No one wants a sad emoticon during a break up.
Step 4 - Do not try to be cool when you’re breaking-up – Do not say stuff like “Do you have a band-aid? ‘Cause your Cut!” or as you get off the phone “Are you near a closet? You are? Then hang this up!” Even though it is quite funny, it really isn’t for this situation.
Step 5 – Make sure you have all of your stuff – This is very important, because the last thing you want to do is go through the task of breaking up with someone with your stuff at their house. One, your stuff may be broken by the time you get it. Two, no one wants to have to look at the person they just broke up with and say “I forgot my Rick Astley ‘Never Gonna Give you Up’ single.” It’s best to clear house before you actually have the sit-down.
Step 6 – Think of it like pulling off a band-aid© - Just get it over with. Don’t go to a movie or something and wait for the right time to do it. You may end up enjoying the flick and not want to do it just when the plot is thickening. Plus if you wait it out, you have to spend even more time with this person.
Step 7 – Do not do this at a family function – Awkward!!!!
Step 8 – Be sober – Your judgment will probably be better sober than it would be after a few drinks. Also, you may start crying for no reason. Nobody wants to be broken up with while their soon-to-be ex is swaying and slurring and saying “Listen, this is serious…”
Step 9 – Do not point out their flaws – Pointing out their inability to dance, lack of style, bad taste in movies, their weird collection of stuffed animals, their obsession with Dave Matthews Music and so on will not help out your cause.
