Thursday, March 12, 2009

How to Go Bowling and Not Look like a Pervert


By: Matthew Raphael


It’s been a while since I wrote a topic that required such passion and dedication. It took a lot of muckraking but here it is. If you follow this method you can go out and enjoy Canada’s favorite pastime (don’t think that’s true) and not look like “that guy.”

1) Do not go bowling alone – There is nothing creepier than the late-twenties to mid-thirties male bowling on the lane closest to the door, especially someone who is alone. You know who I’m talking about, they guy that has 3 different balls, the wrist guard and a plastic cup with some sort of unidentifiable alcoholic beverage in a plastic 12 ounce cup.
So bring a couple of friends, preferably of the same age group (shouldn’t have to mention this). It would make you seem much more normal.

2) Dress to blend – A bowler’s idea of dressing nice is pleated pants, which have difficulty reaching their ankles, and collared shirts that were made in the late-70s. When you go bowling for recreation its okay to wear jeans and a t-shirt, also remind your friends to wear these types of clothes as well. And for the love of Christ, no jean cut-off shorts and no REO Speedwagon belt buckles. That type of outfit is screaming 5-10 years hard time.

3) Bowl in a league – If this game is your passion, that’s great, just find yourself a league. Share your dream with a group of others and you’ll fit right in. You may find it more enjoyable that way. Do not go to Extreme Bowling, as this event’s max age should tween’s at best. You’ll be like the mid-twenties guy at a Red Jumpsuit Apparatus concert…creepy.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

Also, don't dress or act like The Jesus.

How to Fool said...

Damn, how could I have forgotten the Jesus? Thanks for looking out.

How to Fool said...
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