This one goes out to all the ladies out there.Sorry fellas.
If this option is accepted, please have the following things ready:
Patience
Steak or some sort of training treats
Step 1 – The Male Psyche – Before you can teach your man-friend the word “no”, you must understand the male mind. Ninety-five percent of the male mind is related to male things such as 80’s hair bands, cartoons, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia™,” sports, guy time, beer, imported beer, beer drinking games, beer glasses, beer mugs, songs that relate to beer, mom, and some other things that are not office-appropriate. Two percent is related to work, and happy hour after work. One percent is related to relationships (this is where you fit in); one percent stays blank (just in case). Lastly, one percent is a reptilian part of the brain where the hunter-gathering mentality still exists. This part comes into play when he orders steak medium-raw because that makes him feel manly.
Patience
Steak or some sort of training treats
Step 1 – The Male Psyche – Before you can teach your man-friend the word “no”, you must understand the male mind. Ninety-five percent of the male mind is related to male things such as 80’s hair bands, cartoons, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia™,” sports, guy time, beer, imported beer, beer drinking games, beer glasses, beer mugs, songs that relate to beer, mom, and some other things that are not office-appropriate. Two percent is related to work, and happy hour after work. One percent is related to relationships (this is where you fit in); one percent stays blank (just in case). Lastly, one percent is a reptilian part of the brain where the hunter-gathering mentality still exists. This part comes into play when he orders steak medium-raw because that makes him feel manly.
Step 2 – Classic Conditioning – Now that you know what the male mind is filled with, you can start to train it. That’s right: train it. Classic conditioning may ring a bell. Get it? Anyway, this technique first began with Pavlov, when he rang a bell any time that he would feed his dog. After a while, the dog associated the bell with food, and began to salivate whenever it heard the bell, whether there was food or no food.
Do this to your husband, boyfriend or guy friend. Start putting him in situations that demand his attention.
EXAMPLE – It just so happens that this has to do with food, but hear me out. Put a bowl of Cheetos® on the coffee table next time he’s watching the big game. When he reaches for them you say “No.” He will continue to do this at least 20-26 times before he hears you in the first place. C’mon, the big game’s on! Slap him on the hand if you have to; this will be another variable in the experiment. The slap will induce shock, which will be associated with “no.” Don’t you feel better now? You are teaching him the word “no” and you’re diminishing his pride.
Step 3 – Selective Hearing - Good old selective hearing has kept men alive since the stone ages. It is the one thing that we have going for us, and now I will tell you a secret. We hear you. That’s right, we do, but with 95% of the brain stuck on manly things we, choose not to process it. To get past the selective hearing stage tell him what he wants to hear, without actually telling him. Next time you are on the phone with a friend and he is in listening distance, talk about some guy at work, or mention that you are looking for Yankees tickets, or say something like “No-one could have played Iron Man better than Robert Downey Jr.” He’ll hear you, loud and clear. Then his brain will start to be intrigued with what you have to say. You’ve got him right where you want him.
Step 4 – Let him say “no” every once in a while – For the man to process the word “no”, and for him to really understand, it he must use it. Ask him questions that you know he will say “no” to. Next time you are eating dinner, watching television, or doing other extra-curricular activities, ask him to talk about his feelings. He’ll say “no,” and he’ll know completely what it means. Don’t ask him if the dress you’re wearing makes you look fat, because he will say “no” (as he rolls his eyes). You want him to learn the word “no”, not make him a liar.
Author would like to apologize to all the men out there. This job aid is for informational purposes only. Plus, I still kept the good manly secrets. Ladies, it’s okay to say “yes” here and there.
